July 19, 2016
Article is written by: Anonymous Felon
Thinking I was somehow blessed with brilliance far surpassing agents for the FBI, DEA, DOJ, IRS and 4 Federal Prosecutors working on the Task Force is how I doubled down on charges and my possible sentencing. When someone tells you to tell the truth take the Nike example and “Just Do It”. Don’t think, don’t justify and for your own sake don’t lie. If I had been smart enough to take that advice I would not be in the situation I am in now looking at double the prison time and charges. You see I didn’t know better, I’m a criminal. If you’re reading this who knows you might be one too. I’ll give you a little tip it took me too long to learn. If you have to think whether or not you’re a criminal that means you are.
Now a little background about yours truly. I’m short, bald and as if that was not bad enough sufficiently shortsighted to engage in criminal activity of the white-collar variety. Without getting into specifics I started out as a person of interest in a sealed indictment. When afforded the opportunity to be honest about my criminal activity with the acknowledgement that investigators would try to understand my actions I instead tried to minimize my involvement and left pertinent facts out of what I shared with them. Due to this unrestrained act of stupidity I managed to enrage investigators, prosecutors and my attorneys, which I had just stroked a check that would have paid outright for a 4 bedroom house in a nice neighborhood. With one momentary lapse into incompetence I managed to offend each and every person that could ultimately help me.
What you don’t know really can hurt you in the criminal justice system. Let me clarify that for you a little more. I expected that if I was doing anything wrong or saying too much or not enough that my high priced law firm would be coaching me like you see on TV. Real life did not work like that for me, which explains why I can’t pick up female models, know exactly what to say in awkward situations or do any of the other things I see the cool people do on TV. Information and planning are the keys to success.
Something I have always lectured my employees and colleagues on whenever asked about how I make millions. Forgot to mention earlier I have been very successful at multiple start-up’s. It’s only with the latest start-up over the past 2 years that I crossed the line into criminality due to my unrestrained greed and poor decisions. In one of the most important decisions and conversations which would govern the rest of my life I decided to wing it without information and prior planning. Needless to say it turned out like any reasonable person would expect.
It’s similar to all other important business decisions in my career. If I used information and planning to my advantage I would have had a much different outcome. Without a trip in the Hot Tub Time Machine to go back and plan exactly what I would say using factual information and honesty to back it up I am at an impasse. Now what I could have done to help myself or provide bargaining power is forever lost.
There is no impression like a first impression. I actually spent time in outrage at the fact I earned myself an Obstruction of Justice charge carrying a punishment of 5 years. Can you believe that? On further reflection of my situation I am changing my go-to Captain Obvious statement of “Is The Pope Catholic” to “Lies Have Consequences”. That’s what I will be thinking about for 5 long years directly after serving my sentence for crimes committed. A lesson I am sure I will not be soon to forget. Let my tale be a cautionary one to you.I beg of you with the benefit of my hindsight take the following actions:
- Admit to yourself that you are here because of the consequences of YOUR poor actions and no one else’s. (Attempting to blame someone else is only going to make it much worse and lead to many other problems.)
- Don’t lie or omit things when speaking to agents, investigators, prosecutors or your attorneys. (You are not a Politician, Member of Congress or other elected official. You will get caught.)
- If you have not already done so talk to your attorney as you would your God leaving nothing out and making no excuses. (They are going to need as much truthful information possible to get you out of this or at least minimize the damage.)
- Spend as much time as you can to understand and explain your actions without attempting to justify or minimize them. (If you are still trying to justify your actions to everyone else while explaining what happened you have no hope of getting through the criminal justice system with other than the maximum punishment.)
- Hire Justin Paperny as your prison consultant – even if you don’t think you will be charged. (Chances are before this is all over you are going to pay all sorts of people whom have never been there, done that. Hire him so you have at least one person earning their keep.
- Hire a forensic accounting firm to audit your finances. (This will provide valuable information in your investigation and prevent you from lying about money or thinking you will get away with hiding some later.)
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